I watched with interest the SlutWalk held in Melbourne yesterday. It was intended to draw attention to the fact that women should be able to wear anything they like to express themselves, without fear of being raped. It was a statement about the 'you asked for it' mentality that continues in our society and which tends to blame women when they are raped or assaulted. Slut is not a particularly nice word to use about anyone. It used to mean prostitute or woman who looked dirty, but these days it takes on more currency and is bandied around to describe all fashion of behavior.
I smiled as I viewed these thirty-something, middle class women, with their 'no means no' posters, calling each other 'sluts' because it rang true. From my experience it is not men, but women who use that term to refer to women who appear to them as sexually alluring or sexually promiscuous. As far as I can discern, men only call a woman a slut if she won't sleep with them, she's not a slut if she does. However, women are the moral barometers of society and when a woman calls another woman a slut, she's generally the one using her 'is that woman going to incite some sexual desire in my partner' or 'is that woman going to get more attention than me' radar, and that radar emanates from her being totally savvy about what's considered sexy and what isn't. It's in all the magazines and on TV and we've had it thrust at us since we were teenagers. Unfortunately we live in a society in which our bodies ARE commodities and even though women are intelligent and can pursue any profession they like, they're still assessed primarily by their looks. And since most people in power are men, women who want to get ahead or land a partner feel that they have to play to male (and sometimes female) desire and look sexy. But that doesn't mean they want to be raped or abused!
I think the problem here is that women really do want it all. They want to be able to compete with each other on the 'sexy scale', they want to be looked at and desired AND they want control over who touches them. But all behavior comes at a price. I know all those feminists out there whose maximum is 'if you've got it, flaunt it' are going to spit when they hear me say this, but really, Marshall McLuhan's 1964 phrase the medium is the message is so totally true. You can't package something up in a particular way without a particular meaning being attached to it.
But this isn't why I smiled. I smiled because I realized that these women had bought into the notion that somehow rape IS something to do with the way women dress. I believe if someone (and that 'someone' is generally male, rather than a female) wants to rape they're not going to be put off by the fact that the woman is wearing trousers rather than a short skirt - if (s)he is intent on rape, no form of restrictive clothing will stop them! But maybe that's not the kind of rape they're talking about. Maybe it's the rape that occurs when a young woman decides to halt the intimacy she's become involved in but the man refuses to listen to her pleas. But, there are other kinds of rape. There are accounts of lesbian and gay male rape, the rape of children by young offenders and adults, sexual abuse of old people and the disabled as well as rape that occurs within marriage.
Sorry girls, but your SlutWalk didn't work for me, all it did was remind me that you call each other sluts because you're insecure about your own bodies and you want to shackle the desire of your female counterparts. None of this has anything to do with rape. People rape because they have poor impulse control or have been raped themselves - acting out their own feelings of powerlessness on another. People rape because are angry and want to inflict pain, people rape because they want power over another, people rape because they are sadistic, transforming their aggressiveness into eroticism. Sex is used as a weapon not a cause.
I smiled as I viewed these thirty-something, middle class women, with their 'no means no' posters, calling each other 'sluts' because it rang true. From my experience it is not men, but women who use that term to refer to women who appear to them as sexually alluring or sexually promiscuous. As far as I can discern, men only call a woman a slut if she won't sleep with them, she's not a slut if she does. However, women are the moral barometers of society and when a woman calls another woman a slut, she's generally the one using her 'is that woman going to incite some sexual desire in my partner' or 'is that woman going to get more attention than me' radar, and that radar emanates from her being totally savvy about what's considered sexy and what isn't. It's in all the magazines and on TV and we've had it thrust at us since we were teenagers. Unfortunately we live in a society in which our bodies ARE commodities and even though women are intelligent and can pursue any profession they like, they're still assessed primarily by their looks. And since most people in power are men, women who want to get ahead or land a partner feel that they have to play to male (and sometimes female) desire and look sexy. But that doesn't mean they want to be raped or abused!
I think the problem here is that women really do want it all. They want to be able to compete with each other on the 'sexy scale', they want to be looked at and desired AND they want control over who touches them. But all behavior comes at a price. I know all those feminists out there whose maximum is 'if you've got it, flaunt it' are going to spit when they hear me say this, but really, Marshall McLuhan's 1964 phrase the medium is the message is so totally true. You can't package something up in a particular way without a particular meaning being attached to it.
But this isn't why I smiled. I smiled because I realized that these women had bought into the notion that somehow rape IS something to do with the way women dress. I believe if someone (and that 'someone' is generally male, rather than a female) wants to rape they're not going to be put off by the fact that the woman is wearing trousers rather than a short skirt - if (s)he is intent on rape, no form of restrictive clothing will stop them! But maybe that's not the kind of rape they're talking about. Maybe it's the rape that occurs when a young woman decides to halt the intimacy she's become involved in but the man refuses to listen to her pleas. But, there are other kinds of rape. There are accounts of lesbian and gay male rape, the rape of children by young offenders and adults, sexual abuse of old people and the disabled as well as rape that occurs within marriage.
Sorry girls, but your SlutWalk didn't work for me, all it did was remind me that you call each other sluts because you're insecure about your own bodies and you want to shackle the desire of your female counterparts. None of this has anything to do with rape. People rape because they have poor impulse control or have been raped themselves - acting out their own feelings of powerlessness on another. People rape because are angry and want to inflict pain, people rape because they want power over another, people rape because they are sadistic, transforming their aggressiveness into eroticism. Sex is used as a weapon not a cause.
A friend (a Dominican priest) and I experienced the Slutwalk first hand yesterday. We'd just stumbled down from the Cookie bar after one-too-many martinis. He then yelled out to the sluty protesters, "stop harming unborn babies!" In fright, I ran in the opposite direction, fearing digital rape by a couple of the more butch "sluts". We then had Yum Cha.
ReplyDeleteOh! You were taking your life into your own hands - the steps at the Cookie Bar are rather steep.
ReplyDeleteYour friend sounds hilarious, I suppose having a few too many martinis might solicit rampant stereotyping.