Living alone...

I've lived on my own for the past 13 years and I must say that it has been the hardest time of my life and also very rewarding. Living alone means that you can do pretty much what you want when you want to. You can listen to the same track on a CD over and over again without annoying anyone else, you can sing, dance, leave dishes on the sink for two days, go to sleep and wake up when you will and not have to wait until someone else is finished in the toilet. You can get dressed without wondering whether the other approves of your selection and you never, but never think 'is my bum big in these tights' because you just don't give a damn! But living alone also means that you can't turn to someone and say 'isn't that beautiful', you can't have an immediate conversation about something that concerns your life ~ sure, you can ring a friend, but they are not always home or available. There's no one to celebrate your successes ~ you have to be self-congratulatory. Likewise when you're sick there is no one there to tell you that you will be alright; no one to make you cups of hot tea, so you develop a sense of strength in your own ability to know that you will get through the night, that you can look after yourself. Living alone means that you can sniff without getting looks of disapproval ~ you will blow your nose when you are good and ready! Living alone means that no one is going to say 'hurry up' and you don't have to ask someone else to 'hurry up' because the bus is leaving soon and we will miss the film. Living alone means that you can eat an open sandwich for dinner instead of preparing a more formal, nutritional one, but for me, learning to cook well for myself not only for others was such a liberation. Why not cook well for yourself even though you live alone? Statistics show that people that live alone have more illness, heart disease and anxiety than those who live with another. I'm not sure that that these statistics reflect reality for I was just as anxious when I was married, I was anxious about other things. I lived for 46 years with other people and much of that living was about sharing and doing for others and I mostly enjoyed that. But now, I am happy to live alone, but that doesn't mean that I no longer share ~ I do, but I do it when I feel that I want to, when I am able, when it doesn't infringe on my time with myself. It's more enjoyable. Living with someone else certainly has financial and emotional benefits, but I have to say that I haven't had an argument in 13 years (unless of course you count those little disagreements I've had with friends), but really, I find the pressure of the close proximity of another, for any length of time, a little over-whelming ~ perhaps just being me and putting up with myself has meant that I'm better off alone.