The Adjustment Bureau - Part II

It seems to me that if we desire attachments and we do, then we must acknowledge that with all attachment comes pain. Neither ourselves, nor anything outside ourselves is permanent, all is in a state of flux and to demand that the object (person or thing) of our desire remain static and unchanging so that we are not threatened or anxious about the fact that they may no longer care for us in the future or are distracted by another person or thing is to remain in an illusion about life. Everything changes. To live is to experience pain, longing, failure, loss, anxiety, rejection, disappointment, disease, death and decay. Nothing can really provide lasting happiness - not success, joy, accomplishments, recognition, love or admiration and attempting to make things stands still so that our happiness (fleeting as it is) can continue, is one of the greatest sources of unhappiness. Instead of attempting to nail down the source of our happiness, which often involves clinging to the object of our desire, we might remain mindful that by entering into attachments we must accept that pain is part of the package. Attempting to rid oneself of pain often causes more anguish, when instead, if one acknowledges and embraces the pain for what it is, an ultimate consequence of life, then it can more readily be absorbed into the psyche. Pushing away pain and replacing it with fantasy or illusions about one's life only causes misery and so we enter into a downward spiral, into a deep and heavy mire that drags us further into its soggy depths. This notion, that love conquers all, one of the messages in The Adjustment Bureau, appears trite since David's 'love' for Elise is based on one fleeting event in which they meet and kiss, and sexual attraction, for as much as it is intense and desired has been shown to be unsustainable in the long term. Indeed the film adequately reveals that instead of providing happiness, David's pursuit of Elise and what she represents for him - freedom to express your true self, becomes a source of anxiety and discontent for him, for with existential freedom comes responsibility. But more than this, finding ones own truth and being awake in a world, which remains asleep to the underlying reality that pain is a real consequence of life and must be incorporated as ipso facto that life IS life. That we torment ourselves over lost love is tragic, but human. We appear sometimes like the marathon runner who puts themselves through hours and hours of pain for mere seconds of adulation. But unlike the marathon runner we do not figure hard work, pain and suffering in the event and so become fraught and fearful, holding onto a past that no longer exists and a self that is mere phantom. Often too, one lost love is replaced by another who must step into the remaining void and yet if that void was recognized as essential to and part of self then life may be more bearable. I enjoyed The Adjustment Bureau because it encouraged me to think beyond the 106 minutes of its viewing. It made me think about mindful action and the consequences and responsibility we have when we act or enter into a relationship with another, be that acquaintance, friend or lover. Outside forces over which we have no control must be balanced along with intentions and behavior over which we have control and so, The Fates - the spinner, the threader and she who cuts the thread of life, or, the Goddesses of things that were, that are, or that will be, can rest assured that our lives can be turned over to ourselves.

Love, or the notion of love

I finally worked out how to reinstall the tracking code into my blog template last night and  I'm delighted its' working!
Thinking about yesterday, it appeared that everyone I had occasion to talk to in virtual as well as in real life was interested in love or various aspects of it.  Love, or, rather, the notion of love was played in their minds through family, food and possession. Notwithstanding family, of course, the idea of possession conjures up all kinds of ideas about control, ownership and romance. The idea of romantic love - you know, the love associated with sexual attraction, which sneaks up on you and before you recognize what's happening, you've already fallen too deep to escape its gentle but firm grip on your body and psyche, tends to bring with it notions of property. Somehow  from that moment on you belong to the other.  All very well if that's what you desire. However, there are some, including Robert Dessaix (On Humbug, 2009:56) who perceive the whole 'falling in love thing' as a mind-fuck - your reason takes a holiday; your psyche becomes an overheated brazier of dreams, desires and resentments; you want to be intimately alone with whoever has cast the spell; you start collecting stamps or watching old John Wayne movies because your beloved likes to do that; you see enemies and rivals everywhere; you live for a repeat of the epiphanic moment; you become an emotional wreck; you surrender; you say 'yes' to everything; you become deaf and blind; you start living out borrowed narratives; you are in love. It's all quite fabulous, of course, and definitely not to be missed. (2009:64)
Yes, I've been there, and experienced all that, but after discussion yesterday with a friend we decided this kind of love is definitely for the young. Older people are more psychologically and physically vulnerable to the kind of roller-coaster ride of 'being in love' and the inevitable aftermath - almost everyone falls out of love, and opt instead for something more comfortable, more predictable and manageable in their lives. And, anyway, older people know who they are and are not about to bend to the will of another or change their habits easily!
But I was thinking that the notion of possession becomes even more important for lovers, having been through the turmoil and surviving the insecurities of the state of being-in-loveness don't want to loose their love interest, even though much of the passion has gone. Couples clutch even stronger to one another, not permitting anyone or anything to permeate their concocted cocoon - I don't want you, but  I don't want anyone else to have you either.
We could attempt to take the physical out of the equation, focusing instead on  'falling in love' in a mental kind of way, but then doesn't it all become pure fantasy? You can't really take the body out of the equation and why would you want to. Being in love, possession, jealousy and emotion is played out on the body - beating heart, rage, fear, anxiety. Oh, and of course, the pleasure, pure pleasure and that's what it's all really about. But some, already anticipating the failure of love and the pain that comes with loss, spend all their time in avoidance. 'I'll never fall in love again' you can hear them cry and by avoiding pain they also manage to avoid the type of pleasure associated with feeling fully connected to another, if only briefly.